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2011-04-18T22:12:00.001-04:00

We thought we were all the same. It’s something no one talks about, really: Yours is yours and mine is mine. Let’s draw pictures. Okay. A crunching tear from a notebook, reach for a pen; heads down and giggles. We’re too old for this. Fold and toss and shuffle. We peel the paper apart and know the Who’s Who. “Paper airplanes!” Why not? Over Ballston, from a towering balcony, we glided. In them—in us—just paper, just drawings, labeled. Block print: THIS IS MY VAGINA. Laughed as the wind took them away into traffic and down the street.

2011-04-18T21:54:00.006-04:00

Sometimes it all comes back and you remember the howling, freight-train winds. Will this house make it: Brick and thick wood siding. Still standing.

2011-04-18T21:54:00.005-04:00

They say, sometimes, that to write—and make it—that you have to write for the movies. This never happens in real life. Relationships full of hyperbole and true stories; we all wish we were the same. He even laughed at my jokes.

2011-04-18T21:54:00.001-04:00

A man’s voice floats through the stiff air; smooth and honest, Damon’s song makes everything just fade away. He makes a simple request: Live nearer.

2011-04-18T21:53:00.001-04:00

There’s a phone call and then a smile. A knock on the door and the sound of feet against carpet.

2011-04-18T21:52:00.005-04:00

The news rolls in like thunder and you don’t quite know how to understand it. His stories feel oddly familiar; reminders of a past life full of questions and indecency. People who’s phone numbers you’ve lost and stories that beg not to be repeated. An unknown number flashes, you answer and someone uses an old nickname and it all comes back. We are the same. We never changed.

2011-04-18T21:52:00.004-04:00

The wind picks up and the windows squeal and rattle. A draft makes the down comforter the best idea ever. Singing along to Nick Drake, the night seems complete.

2011-04-18T21:52:00.001-04:00

The rain doesn’t seem to help with the tears. Feelings of claustrophobia sneak through the rattling windows, the sound of a sad harmonica blares across air, stiff and unbreatheable. Arms shaking too much to even turn it off. The tears stop, but want to come back. A stomach that feels like a medicine ball isn’t helping either. The stomach flips. And then for a moment, take Control.

2010-02-12T21:29:00.002-05:00

A mess of wires and a dripping of pens, an odds-and-ends disaster of what was once productivity, creativity. Stacks of books and packages never opened; firmware, version updates, gadgets that seemed a good idea at the time-- Dixon Ticonderogas, please. The thing is, you lose more this way, but isn't that the fun? A scramble, a panic. The phone rings and it's a mistake. The shakes come and controlling the hands gets harder to do. Pick up that pencil. Turn the page and the words come, cursive to print to cursive. The whir of the sharpener. The words come.

2009-10-28T22:49:00.003-04:00

There was running. And then, as quickly as she realized it, a movement under the sheets and a shift in light through the curtains. A change in scenery: the dark, mossy woods transform into a spinning ceiling fan above. Outside, there's the sound of a car starting. She pulls the blankets in tight, closes her eyes, and tries to go. Back.

2009-10-20T21:51:00.002-04:00

The escalator to the top grinds away. Standing to the right, you hold the railing and the belt moves faster than your feet. Adjust, so that you don't grab the ass of the person leaning to the side ahead of you. You're halfway there. Reach into your back pocket to get your fare card and hit your funny bone. Ow. Turn to see someone dragging up an extra large Samsonite, knuckles white with a straining grip. At the top, a blowing fan and a gaggle of station managers. The turnstile opens and your day begins.

2009-10-16T17:26:00.003-04:00

Take a walk in the sideways rain over skywalks with iron railings; the smell of a Chinese restaurant hits as it wafts from the next block. A child's plastic tricycle leans against a dilapidated playhouse-- the AstroTurf-covered deck is three storeys above a gas station. There's a screech of brakes, a crash, and the homeless from the park nearby walk close to see, their tattered blankets drag on the ground as they watch the crushed Benz cause distractions.

2009-08-26T15:29:00.001-04:00

Brake lights fade away, blinking into the distance; the black asphalt blends with the dark night sky at the crest of the hill. Walking down the tree-lined street, the shadows of this suburban life creep from the bushes; a maintained and edged lawn, a tire swing. A cat hops up to the front stoop and immediately whips around to groom itself under the harsh porch light. It’s Trash Day in the morning and the big, awkward bins are carefully placed. Close, but not too close, so the Beamers don’t get scratched on their way from driveway to window office.

2009-08-24T15:26:00.002-04:00

It was a consolation-- our Plan-B. Not what we had in mind, the show went on: laughing and the clinking sound of another round. Questions of how we even got here, another round, and a threat to stop serving. A burst of laughter and one horrified look. Hiccups and another round. The night ends and we wake up the next morning wondering how a drawing of a unicorn ejaculating rainbows got into our day-planner.

2009-08-17T22:57:00.000-04:00

Hopeless and helpless songs play over crackling speakers and take us back to a time when we thought the only place to be was in love. We remember the happy: silly string and smiles and five-dollar bets. The subject changes, and we stare at desolate mountains and scrub trees, silently trying to grasp at the strings of our then-15 year-old lives. Some things will never change, other things have already happened. The car feels claustrophobic as twilight hits the desert.

2009-07-22T00:55:00.003-04:00

Some mornings seem easier than others: the coffee makes it from grinder to maker without speckling the counter; the anxious cat gets fed without being tripped over. There's no stumbling on this morning. For once, remember the front windows are open before waltzing through in only underwear; press play on the stereo and a favorite album is already cued up. Moving to the bathroom, the rush of what happened the night before comes in like the rain. Hands still holding the edge of the sink, the body goes down, down, down. There's only floor left.

2009-07-14T12:02:00.001-04:00

You come home at night, nothing out of the ordinary; drop your keys on the table by the door, kick your shoes under the coffee table. You stand in front of your medicine cabinet mirror brushing your teeth. Staring. You get goose bumps when you hit the cool sheets, wrap your arms around the extra pillow. And then you dream, and you can’t tell the shards of glass from the fireflies.

2009-07-06T22:06:00.001-04:00

She needed something to read. Her eyes darted from one end of the bookshelf to the other, then up and down; dragged her fingers across the torn spines of books read and re-read. What to choose, what to choose? Hundreds of books right there for the taking. She put her finger on an Updike; changed her mind. There’s always Hamlet—the good ole standby. Stepped back and stuffed her hands down into her back pockets. There: The foxed pages and bold cover-art of a Norton circa 1966. Settling in, the smell of the old pages was comforting.

2009-07-04T22:45:00.003-04:00

The sign proclaimed “Irish Pub,” but the waiters’ t-shirts shouting, “Kiss My Blarney Stone” said otherwise. Tears for Fears and Keith Whitley covers-- it took five tries to enunciate BODD-ING-TONS to the bartender; I gave up and pointed to the tap. I did not want to rule the world. I was reminded how many shopping days I had left until the next St. Patrick’s Day (brought to me by Guinness), and my ass was inspected by men my father could have gone to high school with; still wearing their office-attire: ties loosened, khakis pleated.

2009-07-04T22:40:00.001-04:00

The scream woke me in the middle of the night. And she kept screaming. It wasn’t the kind that just gets your attention; it was different because she was running, her sandals slapping between her feet and the concrete. I was hesitant about sleeping with the windows open in the first place. Ten seconds later, quiet; I listen for anyone in my building to make a move. Nothing—no doors opening, no shuffling, no sounds. I somehow fall back asleep. There were no sirens. The sun rises and I remember the hours before and wonder what happened.

2009-07-01T23:53:00.000-04:00

He was sitting at a table by himself in the cafeteria, scraping the inside of a pie-tin with a plastic fork. He finished, and flipped through his tattered Star Wars novel and stood up. Lifting up the back of his black t-shirt, he crammed his folded umbrella into his back pocket, did an about-face, and— in what seemed the same moment of motion—placed a pair of wire-framed sunglasses on his nose. Later, I see him again, still wearing his sunglasses and stepping out of the convenience shop; he returned victorious: whistling, and carrying a bag full of Cheetos.

2009-07-01T16:45:00.001-04:00

She ran across the pasture, her left hand at the small of her back holding up her too loose, busted blue jeans. The hair that had fallen out of her braid stuck to her collarbone. She had felt the wind pick up through the screen door and knew it was coming; the door slammed. The rain crested the hill. She ran barefoot; dodging the gopher holes she had tripped over before, praying she didn’t find a new one. The storm came; clouds anvilled out, there was green. Big drops. This was her storm. She held on; she let go.